Just lately it has been getting all too much in our house. Mr H has been working away a lot and has gotten really run down and so been ill, meaning I’ve had to cover the majority of the childcare and take on more in the house. Even with the help of family and friends it has been hard and there doesn’t feel like there is an end in sight. It is affecting our sanity and our relationship, but above all it is affecting our little lady.
Miss H has always turned to me the most for emotional support and can be very dependant on me for this. When someone enters the house she often runs for me, even if it is a family member she sees every week. But since Mr H has been away it has become a little too much. She follows me from room to room, panics if she can’t find me within two minutes and will literally sit on me, pinning me down.
I feel suffocated. I need room, I need time, I just need a break.
I hate feeling like this. H is in nursery three days a week from eight until five, so it’s not like she’s with me 24/7 anyway, but I can’t handle being her every thing and her every need all the time. I realise one day there will be a time when she doesn’t need me and pushes me away rather than pulls me closer, and maybe then I’ll look back and wish for these times. But right now, in this moment, it’s all a bit overwhelming.
I’m sure things will change soon and it will go back to normal. Hopefully Mr H will spend more time at home and the Christmas break will see lots of family activities. I hope so, as I’m starting to drown again and really don’t want to go backwards.